The Uncertainty of Tomorrow

It's the last day of 2020.

The plan was to ring in the new year in a different country.

This time last year, I was exploring the island of Sal in Cape Verde. This year I am home in Lagos.

Not how I planned to spend the day.

I wanted to ring in the year in Cotonou the moment the border was reopened

But alas, I was in contact with someone who was in contact with a COVID positive case. I had to immediately self-isolate.

I registered to get tested, but I never got the email.

Crazy, I  just found out that the only person who was allowed to visit me on Christmas day has also been in contact with a positive case. We await his result.

The one lesson 2020 has taught me is the uncertainty of tomorrow.

The next minute is uncertain.

2020 broke my heart so many times from one tragedy to another. 

Despite the loss, the pain, and the deaths, somewhere during this year, a year like no other.

I laughed.

I want to remember that I laughed.

I am not sad or happy but I want to remember the laughter.

Thank you to everyone who still reads this blog.

Adieu, 2020.

♥Lara

A Year Like No other: When Work is a coping Mechanism

Sometimes I can’t recognize my life!⁣⁣

It has been one long year.
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2020 came for all of my emotions ⁣⁣

I was clinging on to my morsel of happiness by a thread.⁣⁣
These times have been overwhelming!⁣⁣

Death came knocking once again in the month of June, this time, it came for a good friend. One of the most beautiful souls I met off this Obasanjo's Internet. He was a travel and photography lover and that was our bond.

We went from briefly chatting on a Saturday night to news of his death on Monday morning. I remember our last chat on IG when he said we needed to take a trip again and I responded "Post COVID".

Nowadays, I remember our fears about COVID and it didn't even matter because when death came calling, it was not COVID but death came when it was time.

It has been hard to process it all. 

Harder because I am not able to escape.

I have gone this year without taking any vacation days

Maybe a sick day or two and a one-day bereavement leave when my cousin passed.

Work has been a coping mechanism.

It is not healthy but this is what is not making me lose my shit lately. I am not even thinking of work-life balance at this moment.

I spend the day thinking of work, I find myself working and sending emails at 2am🙈

Old Lara is screaming at this behavior.

I am slowly weaning myself off this.

I no longer work weekends, I try my best to take the time off and just either spend the day sleeping or gisting with my mum.

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I finally moved out of my aunt's house. 

It's almost 2 months of living in my own space alone even though I have only spent 2 weekends in it. Saturday night always meets me at my mother's house.

Adulting and a life of responsibility is another scale.

I miss the days when I only have to think about saving to travel, now I am thinking of my rent for next year even though my rent is not due in the next 7 months.

I really do miss travel.

Travelling is so expensive nowadays.

I just jejely closed the browser when I saw so-called black Friday deals.

I can't believe I will be ringing the new year in this Lagos.

I am counting down to the end of the year.

But first, I am looking forward to the close of business on the 18th.

It's been one long year

A year like no other.

Until I come down the streets again👋

♥Lara

Lockdown Chronicles - Living through the pandemic

How is every one doing out there?

I have been home working from home for 2 months now. The last day I stepped into an office building was March 12!

Occasionally, working from home has been my norm for the past 4 years. I got 2 days a month at Anakle and with Ping Express, 4 days a month.

It's been tough this past few months dealing with grief and then also struggling with the anxiety brought on with the pandemic. I have not gone beyond the front of our gate since March 25 ( minus a weekend I spent at my mum’s which is story for another day).⁣

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I thought I was prepared for remote work but to be honest after week 3, I was done. I miss the commute and I miss the noise. I miss going to sit with a colleague or the short walks from one office to another.⁣ I try to stick to a schedule and make sure to sign off work at 6. Focusing is not an issue because there is work todo. I don’t have a designated lunch time, I just eat whenever I am hungry. The only thing keeping sane during this lockdown is work.⁣

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It's so hard trying to focus on the positives but in this midst of this madness and sadness has been some good news.

Last month, I turned 35!

Miss Rona made sure there is no trip to celebrate it but then I am grateful.

My anxiety had been out of the roof following my cousin's death and I was so scared of reaching that milestone.

Ramadan is in town so I didn't even mind since miss rona already made sure I was stuck in the house. Best thing was to spend the day praying and getting to speak with friends and family.

My next two birthdays (36 and 37) will also be in the month of Ramadan, I am not even sure how I feel about it.  Right now, I am using these moments to improve my relationship with God.

Facebook just reminded me that I moved to Bonn,  Germany on this same day 8 years ago. Interesting how much has happened since that day. 

I miss travelling but I don't think I will be amongst the first to experience the world of travel when the pandemic is over. I might travel locally, take road trips but flying will take the back seat for now.

Last month I also started working with a new employer. 

In the month of March, I ended up with 2 job offers and I had to do a lot of thinking, accessing the direction of my career and questioning before I made up my mind on my current employer.

I am curious to know how we are all doing out there. Do you stick to a schedule or pretty relaxed with your structure? Are you looking forward to life back in the office or loving the work from home life?⁣ I’ll love to read your thoughts and experiences these past few months.

♥Lara

A Little Life Update

It's already March and I am so done with this year.
It has brought me sadness and pain.

The year has taken my beloved cousin away.
She went to sleep to never wake up on earth.

It has been hard having to deal with this loss.
We continue living, that is what we all do when one of us ends their journey on this earth.

I find solace in sharing memories of her with people who knew her.  People who experienced the beautiful soul that she was.
I can't share stories of my past without her featuring in it.
My childhoods, birthdays, undergrad experiences all feature her.
My friends were her friends. Her friends were my friends.
Even though I fought a lot with her friends.

I was looking forward to our 35th.
She would have been 35 on the 25th of March
I had hope to have another joint birthday with her just like our 1st, 5th, 10th and 21st.
Now I see the finality of this post I wrote almost 10 years ago: The First of many to come...

I was thinking of spending this year travelling with her.
All my thoughts are just thoughts now because she is no longer here for me plan with.
All my plannings out the door now.

I will miss her seeing her 'aburo' comments on my posts and me telling her to stop deceiving herself.
She is one month and one day older.
My mum basically birth me and handed me over to her sister to raise.

Her name is Zainab Adetola Bakre!

Before her death, I have been struggling.
I think I am angry, not just at this death but at something I am yet to figure out.
I am left with this hollow feeling which I will spend the rest of my year  or many years fighting off.

The question, "what happened" has been super annoying to me lately.
If you are not family or personally know the 'late', I think you should just stick to sending your condolences and move on.  Instead of making the bereaved recount experience that do not matter to you.

Living in Lagos exhausts me, but I am not even ready to move cities.

Career-wise I am am good.
I changed employer last year, which is partly the reason for travelling only twice in 2019.
I love the people that I work with.

An employer headhunted me late last year and asked what it will take to have me port.
"The people", I said.
I used to think that I love my work. But now, I know that it's the people at work that I really love.
They are the ones who make the profession worthwhile.

I think I need a career break.
I need a minimum of 1 month break from work.
I don't know if I want to spend this break travelling or withdrawing to a remote place away from people.

I will be back to the travel posts. There is Namibia, Ivory Coast and Cape Verde to share with you all

♥Lara