It's already March and I am so done with this year.
It has brought me sadness and pain.

The year has taken my beloved cousin away.
She went to sleep to never wake up on earth.

It has been hard having to deal with this loss.
We continue living, that is what we all do when one of us ends their journey on this earth.

I find solace in sharing memories of her with people who knew her.  People who experienced the beautiful soul that she was.
I can't share stories of my past without her featuring in it.
My childhoods, birthdays, undergrad experiences all feature her.
My friends were her friends. Her friends were my friends.
Even though I fought a lot with her friends.

I was looking forward to our 35th.
She would have been 35 on the 25th of March
I had hope to have another joint birthday with her just like our 1st, 5th, 10th and 21st.
Now I see the finality of this post I wrote almost 10 years ago: The First of many to come...

I was thinking of spending this year travelling with her.
All my thoughts are just thoughts now because she is no longer here for me plan with.
All my plannings out the door now.

I will miss her seeing her 'aburo' comments on my posts and me telling her to stop deceiving herself.
She is one month and one day older.
My mum basically birth me and handed me over to her sister to raise.

Her name is Zainab Adetola Bakre!

Before her death, I have been struggling.
I think I am angry, not just at this death but at something I am yet to figure out.
I am left with this hollow feeling which I will spend the rest of my year  or many years fighting off.

The question, "what happened" has been super annoying to me lately.
If you are not family or personally know the 'late', I think you should just stick to sending your condolences and move on.  Instead of making the bereaved recount experience that do not matter to you.

Living in Lagos exhausts me, but I am not even ready to move cities.

Career-wise I am am good.
I changed employer last year, which is partly the reason for travelling only twice in 2019.
I love the people that I work with.

An employer headhunted me late last year and asked what it will take to have me port.
"The people", I said.
I used to think that I love my work. But now, I know that it's the people at work that I really love.
They are the ones who make the profession worthwhile.

I think I need a career break.
I need a minimum of 1 month break from work.
I don't know if I want to spend this break travelling or withdrawing to a remote place away from people.

I will be back to the travel posts. There is Namibia, Ivory Coast and Cape Verde to share with you all

♥Lara