Better a broken engagement than a broken marriage

How is Naimat* now, been a while? I asked

She dey oh, replied Halimah*

Shey she don finally do her Nikkah, I asked. To this I got a smile from Halimah and Julia*

Wetin happen now, I thought she was engaged and planning her wedding, I said

Ring wey she don throwey give the guy, Halima said with a straight face.

That shut me up and I needed no more information. For whatever reason, she called off the relationship, I admire Naimat’s courage.

Our gist continued to Halimah’s sister who is also Naimat’s friend. I found out that Jumai*, Halimah sister had ended her less than 2 years marriage. Jumai is just 26 year old with a child and now a separated from her hus. Halimah went on to tell how Jumai’s husband and family maltreated her, she was also physically abused. Jumai never told anyone until the day she could take it no longer. She left her husband’s family house along with her daugther without a pin dead in the night and the man has since returned to the US where he was based before they met and got married.

I talked about how I would rather break up an engagement than go ahead to waste my time and money to end up with a broken home. Julia disagreed with my opinion that in our society it is better to go ahead with the wedding even with doubt in mind and maybe get divorced after a child or two.

Funny how my mother also shares Julia’s opinion, Julia went ahead to say the society respects a former Mrs than a forever Miss who never made it to the altar.

As far as I can remember, I have never wanted to get married before the age of 30. It is really not a miss independent thingy, it was just this thought that creeped into my brain as a kid and I must say at the rate I am going, marriage will not be on my card before then. I remember telling my cousins about this decision of mine and they all decided to cast and bind the evil spirit of late marriage from my life.  When I made this decision, I really had no exact reason for it but nowadays when I sit back and think about it, I always knew I would not be ready for marriage before that age.

I wish a lot of people would just be true to themselves rather let society dictate to them, why not just make that decision to settle down in whenever they are emotionally ready for the next step.

*Not their real names

♥ Lara